-isms

So far this pregnancy I've been lucky to escape the wild cravings I hear so much about. I have not made peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, or demanded that my boyfriend get up and buy me something at 3am. But it's getting near the end now, and I figured I should take advantage at least once while I have the chance. While renting videos at the grocery store, - $1 VHS Everyday!- I asked for a 6-pack of Yoohoo, for the baby (because she really needs corn syrup and cow parts). I just finished the last one, and as a sloppy semi-vegan, let me tell you- things that are bad for you? They're fucking delicious. Anyways, I was going to throw those plastic rings away and I stopped to cut them, an act that always makes me twinge with guilt. I feel like such a wimp doing it. Does it really make a difference? Then I feel angry at myself for second-guessing. At least I can know I tried to help. And who am I feeling ashamed in front of anyway? There's no documentary being filmed in my kitchen. This 6-pack-ring-cutting phobia is part of a larger problem. It encompasses a lot of my ideals that are systematically ripped apart by the media. I don't identify as a democrat (or a republican for that matter), but I do think being conscious of our habits and their impact are important. Since when did empathy become a negative personality trait? As a first grader I can remember the pride I felt the first time I cut those same rings, explaining to my little brother what I was doing and why. What happened to me? As we age does experience scrape away our quixotic polish and expose the rusted cogs of consumerism? Or are these new emotions burned into our psyche by hours of subliminal messaging via television, advertising and the careful tailoring of daily life? As a child you're told that history happened this way, and for this reason. Your still-trusting young mind absorbs the information, tucks it into a sack labeled "truths". As an adult you discover that your sack of "truths" is nothing more than someone else's version of the truth. With that first discovery your mind can choose which path to take: Shut the bag, toss it back in the corner and pretend that nasty book or conversation never happened, or Start digging further into it, tossing aside obvious rubbish and saving little bits and pieces that are less easily discernible. It would be nice if the cynical me and the innocent me could find some common ground. I would like to be optimistic and aware without the shame and anger.

Thanks to Ted Turner